robtattoo
12-10-2003, 12:39
Here are a few suggestions on how to live a happy life.
Imagine syrupy music playing in the background while you read this list out-loud, in the deepest voice you can muster.
1. Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
2. Have lots of long lie-ins.
3. Wear sturdy socks.
4. Never wear small underwear.
5. If you must lie about your age, do it the other way: tell people you're 97 & they'll think you look ****ing great.
6. Try to catch a fish & feel the sense of well-being of letting it go & swim away.
7. Never eat food that comes in a bucket.
8. If you can't meditate, spend some time every day, just sitting.
9. Boo joggers.
10. Learn to play a stupid musical instument: the banjo or harmonica for preference.
11. Eat plenty of liquorice allsorts.
12. Try to live in a place you like, with someone you like.
13. Never turn down an opportunity to shout "**** 'em all" at the top of your voice.
14. Avoid bigots of all descriptions.
15. Don't wear tight clothes on public transport.
16. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that..... who cares. You're a mile away & you've got his shoes.
17. Avoid people who say they've got the answer.
18. Keep the company of people who are still trying to undersand the question.
19. Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes.
20. If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11am. Start one.
21. Learn to feel sorry for music, because eeven though it's the international language, it's got no swearwords. (If you don't count Wagner, which in my opinion is one long one & should always be avoided)
22. If you write a book, make sure it has at least one "****" on every page.
23. Send Heironymus Bosch prints to elderly relatives for Christmas.
24. Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs.
25. Don't be talked into wearing a uniform to work.
26. Salute nobody.
27. Never wear a tie.
28. Campaign against all types of blue sweetie.
29. Never run with scissors, or other pointy objects.
30. Never, ever trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea-cosy & a mirror, doesn't try it on like a hat.
Imagine syrupy music playing in the background while you read this list out-loud, in the deepest voice you can muster.
1. Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
2. Have lots of long lie-ins.
3. Wear sturdy socks.
4. Never wear small underwear.
5. If you must lie about your age, do it the other way: tell people you're 97 & they'll think you look ****ing great.
6. Try to catch a fish & feel the sense of well-being of letting it go & swim away.
7. Never eat food that comes in a bucket.
8. If you can't meditate, spend some time every day, just sitting.
9. Boo joggers.
10. Learn to play a stupid musical instument: the banjo or harmonica for preference.
11. Eat plenty of liquorice allsorts.
12. Try to live in a place you like, with someone you like.
13. Never turn down an opportunity to shout "**** 'em all" at the top of your voice.
14. Avoid bigots of all descriptions.
15. Don't wear tight clothes on public transport.
16. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that..... who cares. You're a mile away & you've got his shoes.
17. Avoid people who say they've got the answer.
18. Keep the company of people who are still trying to undersand the question.
19. Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes.
20. If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11am. Start one.
21. Learn to feel sorry for music, because eeven though it's the international language, it's got no swearwords. (If you don't count Wagner, which in my opinion is one long one & should always be avoided)
22. If you write a book, make sure it has at least one "****" on every page.
23. Send Heironymus Bosch prints to elderly relatives for Christmas.
24. Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs.
25. Don't be talked into wearing a uniform to work.
26. Salute nobody.
27. Never wear a tie.
28. Campaign against all types of blue sweetie.
29. Never run with scissors, or other pointy objects.
30. Never, ever trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea-cosy & a mirror, doesn't try it on like a hat.